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A Usurpadora

Apontada como das últimas mentes paleolíticas que ainda acreditam na socialização dos meios de produção, confesso que sou ferrenha defensora da propriedade privada de algumas coisas além da óbvia escova de dentes: o nome, por exemplo.
Penso em mim mesma não como pessoalidade que os anos vão transformando – quase sempre para pior – mas como um significador imutável, Maria Helena Nóvoa, pombas! Assim me chamo e me chamam desde que nasci. Resisti a apelidos de casada, pseudônimos literários e mantive privada esta propriedade até terça-feira, dia em que fui conhecer a usurpadora.
Existe outra Maria Helena Nóvoa no Rio de Janeiro.
Soube dela pela primeira vez há muitos anos atrás, quando uma lente de contato pulou fora do meu olho no que eu furava uma onda em Ipanema. Voltei às Ópticas Fluminense para comprar o meu segundo par de lentes e colocaram um elefante no meu olho, chorei três dias. O técnico da óptica afirmava que era uma rejeição psicológico, eu jurava que era incompetência dele, e na quarta ou quinta verificação da minha ficha, “caiu a ficha” literalmente: deram-me a lente errada porque havia uma usurpadora que morava em Botafogo e eu no Jardim Botânico. Não satisfeita em existir, “ela” também era míope envergonhada, freguesa da minha óptica e morava num bairro vizinho ao meu.
Passaram-se os anos e não esqueci dela porque passei a rezar não só enunciando o meu nome – o que sempre devemos fazer para vibra-lo no registro akáshico – como especificando que era a mãe de Cláudio, Christiana e Patrícia, o que não levaria o plano superior a qualquer engano na hora de distribuir as benesses solicitadas para a família.
Um dia, Cláudio foi a um médico que comentou, enquanto preenchia a sua ficha:
– Humm… Nóvoa… é parente de Maria Helena Nóvoa?
– É minha mãe – diz Cláudio. – Conhece?
– É a mãe dos meus filhos. – Naquele lacônico jargão de ex-marido e mais não disse.
A usurpadora agora se aproximava pela via do absurdo e “meus” filhos se confundiam com os filhos de um médico que eu, sua mãe, juro que nunca vi mais gordo.
Os Nóvoa vieram da Espanha para o Brasil no final do século XIX. Em 1893, logo depois da Abolição e da República, apareceram nas aldeias espanholas cartazes com a figura do Floriano Peixoto que dizia: “Migre para o Brasil. Clima bom e fortuna fácil”. Meu pai contava que o abuelo (itálico, por favor) anarquista tinha perdido a casa e as terras, empenhadas numa campanha contrária ao partido do cura. Quase na miséria, Castor Nóvoa pensou em ir para Cuba, cortar cana. Quando viu o convite do Floriano, jogou para o alto uma perra-chica (itálico, por favor) e deu Brasil. Cuba perdeu um carbonário e para cá veio ele com mulher e filhos. Não fez fortuna fácil mas meteu-se em todos os movimentos políticos suspeitos do começo do século e parece que vivia preso. Era bom de copo e de discurso, planejava enforcar o clero – do vigário ao papa – e morreu tão arruinado quanto viveu.
A partir do bisavô, consigo reconstituir os passos da família, que aliás é bem pequena, e Maria Helena sou só eu. De onde teria vindo a usurpadora?
Ela foi se tornando ousada. Há dois anos, quando fui registrar “meu” nome na Aol, negaram o registro: o clone havia chegado primeiro. Na verdade, não chega a ser um clone porque não temos a mesma carga genética; mas temos a mesma carga fonética. A invocação (it. pf) do nome evoca (it. pf) o ser, qualquer estudante rasteiro de Magia sabe e eu me interesso por Magia há muitos anos, só falta agora ela também ser “maga”. E se o nome é um mantra, um ente sonoro, meu mantra está irremediavelmente partido ao meio e comecei a desenvolver certa síndrome de Highlander: “Só pode existir uma”. Até terça-feira.
Maria Helena Nóvoa, a outra, a falsa, a usurpadora, foi se consultar com uma médica “minha” aluna, que desenvolveu junto com a “minha” filha um programa anti-tabagista – logo, ela “também” fuma – e quando descobriu mais esta ponte entre nós duas, pediu meu telefone: gostaria de me conhecer. – Pode dar meu número para sua cliente – falei. – Mas de quem você gosta mais? – pensei. “Ela” estava se tornando insuportável.
Então, na terça-feira, fui almoçar comigo mesma. Fiz uma reserva para duas, ala de fumantes. – Em nome de quem? – Maria Helena Nóvoa. – E quem mais? – Mais ninguém – em algum plano misterioso, somos uma.
Levei um livro para ela e foi a primeira vez que fiz uma dedicatória para mim mesma. Me perguntava se nosso diálogo poderia ser chamado de solilóquio.
– E como vamos nos reconhecer, o restaurante é grande, devemos combinar uma roupa?
– Tenho certeza de que não vamos errar – respondi.
Não deu outra. Quando ela entrou, já veio para mim de braços abertos:
– Que bom que você não é gorda – foi a primeira coisa que me disse.
– Que bom que você não tem unhas vermelhas.
E assim, na terça-feira, eu e a usurpadora ficamos íntimas. Marcamos futuros almoços para as próximas semanas porque não deu mesmo para contar tudo na primeira vez. Depois de quatro horas e um maço de cigarros, ainda estávamos no século XXI e não sei quando chegaremos ao bisavô espanhol.

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