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Mamãezinha querida

Mãe é aquela pessoa de quem a gente adora falar mal mas ai de quem concordar. Pois é, a minha é igualzinha. Só que ninguém tem uma mãe igual à minha (só meus irmãos, mas pra eles ela deve ser um pouquinho diferente).
A minha mãe sempre foi a mais bonita e a mais inteligente de todas as mães da escola. Tá bom, tinha aquela sueca de cabelos prateados e olhos azuis que talvez fosse tão bonita quanto. Agora, mais inteligente, você que a conhece (se não conhece leia abaixo, acima ou em algum lugar por aqui) sabe que não rola mesmo.
Então você está achando que eu era o sucesso da escola, aquela mãe esplêndida me esperando à saída, abrilhantando com suas evidentes qualidades – como uma auspiciosa promessa futura – a imagem pública de sua patinha-feia desengonçada e magricela.
Mas minha mãe não era de facilitar as coisas pra mim. Pra começar tinha o carro. Foram vários, claro, em muitos anos, mas eram sempre velhíssimos, cheios de ferrugem. Meu pai até que ganhava direitinho, eu acho, mas era coisa de estilo, mesmo. Eles já eram comprados velhos e só iam piorando com o tempo. As maçanetas penduradas como balangandãs, faróis caolhos, a tampa da mala amarrada com um barbantinho. Quando um desmontava de vez, meu pai jogava fora e comprava outro. No ferro-velho, provavelmente. O silencioso era considerado um ítem totalmente dispensável, de modo que o evento “lata-velha” nunca era discreto.
Depois, tinha o figurino. Você consegue imaginar um “kaftan” verde, bolsa gigante de palha, tamancos dr. Sholl, maria-chiquinhas e óculos Jackie O. na mesma pessoa? Pois é, mamãe sempre foi mesmo uma mente inspirada. Sabia como transformar a Catherine Deneuve na Regina Casé. E vice-versa também, verdade seja dita. Uma vez ela contratou um garçom pra um jantar que ia ter lá em casa. Passou a tarde com ele na cozinha preparando tudo, em seu melhor modelito amélia-em-fúria: camiseta sungada com buracos de cigarro, calça de moletom manchada, cara amassada com óculos fundo de garrafa sobre os resquícios da máscara facial de pepinos, bobs e lenço. Um mimo. Tudo pronto e ela subiu, tomou banho, soltou as madeixas douradas, pôs as lentes de contato, caprichou no make-up e envergou o pretinho-básico longo com uma fenda estratégica deixando entrever as belas pernas. Quando desceu, o garçom não queria mais atendê-la, onde estava aquela senhora que o tinha contratado? Ela teve que pagar adiantado pra provar que era a contratante e ele teve mesmo que admitir que a voz era igualzinha mas manteve até o fim da noite uma leve suspeita de estar sendo enganado.
Mas o fato é que eu sobrevivi à porta da escola e até à turminha pré-adolescente do clube-classe-média-alta que me fez, durante algum tempo, desjar com todas as forças ter uma mãe igual às outras, por que não? Que me comprasse roupas caras e me enfeitasse como uma boneca pra me exibir às amigas. Que fosse meio velhusca, meio careta, meio feinha e um tanto limitada mas tivesse um carro do ano cheirando a gleid sachê brisa matinal.
Hoje em dia eu sei que, se cada um tem a mãe que merece, Deus me tem em alta conta. Tirei a sorte grande, a sena acumulada, acertei no milhar. Quem quer ser uma boneca enfeitada? Quem suporta a brisa em pastilhas? Quem quer ser uma pessoa normal? Não seria eu se não fosse ela, do jeitinho exato que ela é. Ainda que eu tivesse nascido, não sei se teria resistido até hoje. Eu era tímida, queria ser aceita e não teria coragem de ser a primeira a quebrar os padrões. Mas provavelmente teria morrido sufocada pela camisa-de-força da normalidade. Escolha autênticas não são as mais fáceis e nem sempre são as mais lucrativas do ponto de vista social ou econômico mas, no final das contas, são as únicas que valem a pena. Minha mãe me ensinou, contra minha própria vontade, a ser eu mesma – e eu acabei gostando.
Por essas e outras é que eu digo: minha mãe, não tem igual.
Aposto que a sua é igualzinha: única. Ou não seria você quem é.
* * *
Já reparou que mãe é uma palavra que não tem rima? Só no plural. Mas como mãe só tem uma, o problema se mantém. Por isso nunca fiz pra minha mãe um poeminha que prestasse, e olha que ela bem merecia. Ser filho é isso, é nunca poder retribuir suficientemente o que recebeu de graça.
Estar vivo é ter tido mãe, é ter sido acolhido e expulso. É ter tido uma mulher pra amar e odiar e se culpar e se perdoar. Como se retribui a vida a alguém, com tudo o que ela tem de sofrimento e maravilha? Sendo bonzinho com a mamãe, comprando um presente bacana, escrevendo um bonito cartão? Tá, isso também ajuda mas acho que, no fundo, o que toda mãe quer mesmo é que sua cria sobreviva.
A teimosia da existência, também chamada de instinto de sobrevivência, é uma doença congênita transmitida pela mãe. Quando a gente está quase se curando – na adolescência e em outros momentos de crise – sempre aparece ela querendo inocular um reforcinho do bacilo: você almoçou, olha o casaco, isso são horas, quem é esse cara, você bebeu, fumou, usou camisinha e tantas outras desagradáveis versões do “como você está zelando pela sua preciosa vidinha?”.
Insuportáveis, todas as mães, tanto quanto a vida. Mas não se iluda, um dia a morte nos cura delas. Até lá, temos mais é que aproveitar o dom e agradecer, de todo o coração.
* * *
Aproveito pra fazer aqui a minha parte, pública e ostensivamente, já que tão raramente o faço na privacidade:
Minha Maria mais amada, mais até que a mamãe do céu, bendita sois vós entre as mulheres!
Eternamente grata por tudo tudo, sua filha-do-meio, pra sempre com os olhos grudados em você.

41 Responses to “Mamãezinha querida”

  1. Clarice says:

    Foi de propósito: não li no domingo porque estava muito fragilzinha(meu filho não pode vir) e eu não queria deslocar a barreira d’água com teu texto e provocar a tal enxurrada.
    Eu estava certa. Agora o que faço? Tem uma gargalhada enroscada com uma puta vontade de chorar na minha garganta.
    Não se engane: filho também é sempre um só. Cada um único em todos os sentidos.
    Beijão, menina. Snif!

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